I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Two words: blizzard sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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