Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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