Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is wine microwaveable?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
