I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
