Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're like the curious george of whores
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
