chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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