I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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