ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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