This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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