there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she looked like the before picture.
two words: eviction party
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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