I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
