Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
