Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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