guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
