now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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