"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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