At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
