so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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