I just threw up on my dentist
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
