If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
