he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize