someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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