My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't notice because vodka
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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