fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
