I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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