She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
