roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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