The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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