I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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