I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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