It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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