Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
