I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
