Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
