I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
