Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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