i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
