You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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