What did we do last night that was yellow?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
