sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
