I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
