dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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