Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
