xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
