I think im going to throw up on grandma
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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