She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
