do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
