had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
