You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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