I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
