Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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