The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize