oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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