I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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