somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
