I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
