there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
