What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
