i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
