Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Help. Why am I so naked?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize