I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
