pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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