When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
