I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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