guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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