I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
