And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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