We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
