our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
is that a dick in a sweater?
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