it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
