careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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