just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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