Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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