I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
