dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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