how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
