dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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