I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
