i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
