bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
