I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
