dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
