WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
